Sunday, 9 November 2014

What I think about at 11:00 pm while on FaceTime.

I know I moan a lot. And I'm quite sorry for it because I have nothing to moan about. I have a decent life and there is nothing wrong with me except the fact I am emotionally stunted. But I am still unsatisfied.

I've worked hard to be doing what I am doing and I try everyday to do better than the previous. I am aware that there are people who work harder than me for less and I am also aware that there are people who can't work for what they want because they have decent reasons to not be able to work for it. And I know that I am one of the people in the  world who do have it good. I have everything I need to thrive in my environment.

Although I have this, I am so pissed that people can walk through life without trying at anything and having to have help at every stage because they haven't even tried to do it themselves. 

I don't like being around people outside, in college, whilst shopping, and generally at all. But I still go outside and battle it because I know I have to. I don't like going to interviews or filling in forms because I'm scared I'm going to do something wrong and fail at it but I still do because I need to to get somewhere.

Everything I do is because I have ambition and the will power to get what I want. And lots of people don't. That is why I stand out. 

I am emotionally stunted because I have held in my feelings for so long around my friends that I can't cry anymore when I need to. I am always there for them when they need it but as soon as I am upset, I'm told to shut up and deal with it. So I do.  

The point of this is really to say that I know that I'm okay, but I don't want to be sometimes and it's fine to not be good when you are working for something that you want.  

I suppose that's it for me.  

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