Resolutions

I swore to myself I wouldn't make resolutions this year. I never stick to them and they end up being forgotten about by the second week in to the new year. I don't need to diet or give up smoking. I don't leave anything to the last minute or not organise things when they need to be done. I don't see the point in having them as they are unrealistic to me usually. 

I am sorry to say, I'm about to contradict myself. 

I am making three resolutions this year because I feel I need to change some stuff and it's the perfect time to do it. 

1. Speak up: I don't tell people what I think often even though it seems like I do. I have bottled up emotions that I have to vent and I'm sick of being the one who is told to shut up when they are in the wrong. 

2. Finish what I start: I make a lot of excuses to not do something and I procrastinate a lot especially when it comes to writing. I have been working on a manuscript for a novel for three years now and I only have a little more to do and I keep finding ways to not finish it. 

3. To perk up a bit: I have been feeling down and paranoid lately, mostly because I feel like what I had tried to get for ages is going to be taken away. I don't think anyone will understand what that is about so it's ok to talk about it. Also I have been really stressed over nothing and all I want to do is sit indoors watching lord of the rings instead of facing my problems. 

My resolutions are realistic to what I might be able to do but most likely won't because I am very lazy. I don't know if any of my friends have them but they probably have better ones than me. 

My laptop is dead and I braved the outside world

I have written this on my phone. My laptop is playing games with me so everything I do is on my phone. 

This is bad because there are some programs I need to use to get work done. And I had a urgent need to finish a chapter of a manuscript the other night and had to write on paper at three in the morning without drinking any tea. 

It is also a good thing because I have been outside more and have written in unsual places. I've been up a tree on the edge of a cliff and written a short descriptive piece on the Yggdrasil, I suddgest you look it up. I sat for a hour in  the Boscome shopping centre and got some ideas on a new anthology. I even did the stereotypical thing and sat in a coffee shop with a note pad and pen, staring wishfully out of the window.  

I should be doing revision. I'm starting in the new year, if I live that long without my dear laptop. 

I suppose I won't be on here again until the new year..... Or maybe just before. I don't know what my resolution will be yet, maybe not to kill anyone.  

Before I die part 1

Before I die I want to 

1. Fall in can't eat can't sleep love

2. Finish reading the Grey's anatomy

3. Beat the record of breakfast items eaten at my favourite greasy spoon

4. Reserch my family tree 

5. Meet a tall dark stranger in a back street club

6. Eat a entire advent calendar in one go

7. Buy a 67 Chevrolet Impala 

8. Do the walk of shame

9. Meet the queen

10. Steal candy from a baby

I'm mental

You didn't need to do that. It didn't aid you in any way or bring you satisfaction or make your life complete. In fact it could potentially hurt someone in the future or annoy them intensely. So why did you do it? 

I was walking home at 1:45 ish last night and I pushed a plastic bottle of a railing. That was what I though after I had done it. I don't know why I did it, I just felt like it. I get thoughts like that on a daily basis and it creeps other people out when I share them. 

A week ago I was in a lecture hall and I had the thought of maybe slamming the person infront of me head's into the desk. I didn't obviously. But I could of. I had never met the girl but I wanted to. 

As humans we have strange moments like this but most people ignore them and move on, never to speak of them again. I however, sit and contemplate the meanings of these things and have decided I am probably mental and should be locked up. But only if I actually acted on them insead of just thinking when I'm in my room on my own.

I turned

At the beginning of the year at college I was really down. I didn't want to wake up in the morning and drag myself outside. I hated being in lessons but I seemed happy enough. I wanted to go back to secondary school and be with my mates but I knew I couldn't and it made it worse. I didn't have any friends in college and I couldn't talk to any of my friends outside college because they wouldn't understand and I was the strong one, the most level headed of the group. 

I didn't know how to deal with my problems and in the end I didn't want to even see or speak to my mates or anyone I vaguely knew. Even going to the shop was a task that I wasn't willing to do. 

But after the half term, where I went to Comic Con, Lego land, HP studios, and Warwick castle and did so many other things, I started to cheer up. And when I got back to college I decided to make a effort and speak to people instead of  being the black sheep. I made a few friends who I can sit with and find at lunch for a laugh. I can't believe in six weeks I have turned myself around so quickly. I know that it isn't a big story but it matters to me. 

Mumsters

As the sun looms overhead in the cold afternoon the pack draws closer to the enclosure of pups, they grin and bare their teeth in a attempt to charm others and lead them in to a failed sense of trust. The pups that are not old enough to be enclosed sick to their elder's side. They whine and scurry around tensed feet. The elders glance around at the outsider. 

Waiting outside the school gates is risky, especially if you are the only teen there and the clique mums don't like you because you and your own mother aren't like them and their families. If it isn't the mums you know don't like you then it's the strangers giving you sneaky side along glances, wondering if you are the mother of one of the children in the school which is a false accusation! 

The stay at home mums huddle around the gate trying to be the first in so they can get their child and go home to cook dinner or take them for a play in the park next street along. I just grab my sister and her friends and run. I run fast. I am not scared of many things but monsters that lurk at the gates creep me out. 

BIRDS ARE EVIL

Birds are spawned from the devil's eye dust. Only creatures like that can be thought of in nightmares.

I fed the ducks this weekend. I mean my family and the people I was with fed the ducks and I stood on the other side of the field  because I hate them. There wasn't even any ducks there, it was swans, seagulls, and Canadian geese. Why are Canadian geese in England? 

I just don't like things that could potentially poke out my eyeball without being provoked. And I'm not keen on things that fly and let go of their waste at the same time. 

Interesting fact: the White part of bird poo is actually their urine and the dark part is the other stuff. It all gets pads into a paste for easy carriage.