2013 edition

Every so often I scroll through Facebook to delete all of the rubbish I put up there before I got self respect, before 2014 basically, and I find some pretty cool stuff. So here are some of those things I said but with better grammar and spelling. The 2013 edition!

2013
-May I feel? Said he. ( I posted this poem every week or so for a few months. May I feel by E.E. Cummings)
-I have programmed my sister to say Loki-Dokie instead of Okie-Dokie.
-Hang there like fruit, my soul, till the tree dies. (Shakespeare)
-Doctor Who is so far; Nudity, suggestive behaviour, and relationship talk.
-St Nick is the patron saint of prostitutes.
-Morgan is giving beauty and fashion advice to my bedroom door.
-There is a place called 'Bald knob ' in America
-A Mental Mind Fuck Can be Nice - Frank, RHPS
-I can't wait to smoke this turtle!
-"You love your wife, I love your wife, shouldn't we be on the same side?"- Casanova
-I solemnly swear I am up to no good, when I think about you more than I should.
-"I'm going to be straight with you" -Gaydar radio
-I'm so bright I have my own colour spectrum.
-I would be happy to oblige.. After you bend down and kiss my arse that is!

I think I got some decent friends at this point so some of the crap stopped.

Me, October 2013.

2012 Edition

Every so often I scroll through Facebook to delete all of the rubbish I put up there before I got self respect, before 2014 basically, and I find some pretty cool stuff. So here are some of those things I said but with better grammar and spelling. The 2012 edition!

2012;
-I dress like a doll but swear like a sailor.
-Pardon me Sir Gangster, your trousers are descending.
-Will's house is the Teenage Day Care... We should start charging!
-What if Gangnam Style is a rain dance?..... We brought Sandy to America!
-Love waving at random people because they are trying to figure out who you are for the rest of the day.
-Mary, Mary, quite contrary, let all the boys have a go. In nine months time, it's DNA time on the Jeremy Kyle show.
-Don't say goodbye. Goodbye leads to leaving, leaving leads to forgetting.
-"Why am I the only one who doesn't get banged in the corridors?" Maria, year 10
-You make me laugh and cry so much I want to punch and kiss you
-Kate Middleton has taught us that every princess has a well fit sister
-Demons never die
-Why do we get sore throats when we cry? I'm walking home and wondering why.
-Every girl starts a pawn, then they realise they should be the queen.
-I could piss off a happy meal.
-This town is like one big outpatient mental facility .
-Sat in McDonald's and there seems to be a glamorous granny competition. One went overkill on the foundation and the other is listening to rock on her apple macbook!
-Only sad people write about ending up with the dream boy.
-BRING ON THE VAMPS
-One in ten children in the UK are conceived on a IKEA bed.


I think some of them deserve context but I don't want to give any because they are pretty funny as they are.

Me, June 2012

2010/11 Edition

Every so often I scroll through Facebook to delete all of the rubbish I put up there before I got self respect, before 2014 basically, and I find some pretty cool stuff. So here are some of those things I said but with better grammar and spelling. The 2010 and 2011 edition!

WARNING:

2010 and 2011 were the years now known as the "random phase". It is called this because we used to post things such as "Quack, I'm a turtle" on Facebook and it is very embarrassing when you go back through it. These years are together because I have deleted the majority of statuses that I put up because there was no good content then.

PS. I was too young to be on Facebook at this point, I was only meant to have it to keep in touch with some old mates when I moved away but I was a bit of a idiot.

2010
-I have a gun, a shovel, and a map of the desert. Keep talking.
-Don't let the world change your smile, let your smile change the world.


2011
-Curry's don't sell curries, Boots don't sell boots, Dominoes don't sell dominoes, and Superdrug is just a waste of time!
-I'm counting bodies like sheep.
-I got trapped in the Bournemouth Library lift
-When the Citizenship teacher says "Get out," you know you have won the argument.
-No, Katy Perry. I can honestly say I have never felt like a plastic bag.
-The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.

I don't miss being twelve!

Look at that innocent face! You wouldn't think she was posting really rubbish stuff online, would you?

Me, April 2010

Public, Private?

Hello Internet.

I have something to say.

I have seen people posting about their lives on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, and Snap chat for quite a few years now and I have no problem with that at all! In fact, I encourage people to post about what they are doing, where they are going, who they are banging.... maybe not that one (I love that sort of gossip though), but I don't like it when they are posting about other people and what is wrong in their life.

I have done this in the past but thankfully my Facebook is private and people who don't have me as a friend can't see what I post and I have deleted most of the statuses I posted between 2009 and 2014.

The pages and accounts you have on social media are, of course, your spaces but they are also very public and lots of people can see them. If my name is searched on Google my Twitter and YouTube come up which is why I control a lot, and I mean a lot, of the content I have on there. And whenever I bring up the whole "The Internet is very open" and "What you post could be a bit upsetting/offencive" things I get "But it's MY space, I can post what I want" back at me.

So, to celebrate the fact that my Facebook is no longer littered with unnecessary content,I have put together a collage of some of my old statuses through the years that I have spent trolling the Internet. No nasty ones, though! I have erased them from innocent eyes. You will get these in separate posts sorted by year(s).

Hope you enjoy them.

7 Things I have learnt this year

So, as you can see by the title I am going to be writing about the seven major things I have learnt this year. This can be lessons that I have learnt personally or through people I know.

The year I am counting is from September 2014 to August 2015 because I am still in education and that is the calendar I am used to using.


You change as a person and this doesn't mean your friends change in the same way.
I used to adore all my old school friends and now some of them just annoy me. Because I have met new people and done different things this year gone, I have matured and stopped acting like a child like I did in secondary school and because my experience was different to the rest of my old friends', they haven't gone through the same growing up process I did. As I change and grow I am very aware that sometimes people I love will get left behind because we no longer have similar interests or goals and honestly, it is upsetting but it is better to accept it and carry on then hold on to the past.

You can push the limits but make sure you know when to toe the line.
In school I dyed my hair quite a few times and only got caught once and that was because it went a little wrong and I corrected it because I knew I had pushed too far that time. I am friends on Facebook with a few of my sister's friends who are still in school. They are always trying to rebel against the schools they go to and watching them try to be "hard" is just embarrassing, for them and me! I can understand wanting to express yourself, which schools make it hard to do, but doing something just to annoy teachers, who mainly just want to do their job and not deal with unruly teens everyday, it's sort of disrespectful and can impact your learning quite a lot.

In the long run, no one cares how you want to live your life.
Think of it like this; You are a tiny speck of dust in the vast space that is the every expanding universe and your life takes up less than a nanosecond in the continuous line of past present and future. Anything you do in this life doesn't really matter to the universe because you are that small. What you do will affect the people around you and can alter your own life quite a lot, but in the log run and the progression of the universe it doesn't matter. Not one bit. If you have any further questions I am recommending The Universe Doesn't Give a Flying Fuck About You by J.Truant and many others he has written because they make you sit and have a existential crisis because what else should you do on a Sunday afternoon? 

If they look like a Pit bull, they are probably a Chihuahua.  

That is probably the worst way to phrase don't judge a book by it's cover. I have met quite a few people in the last couple of months who act and look like they are going to beat me up if I say the wrong thing but when it actually comes to it, I invite them to try and they back away with their tails between their legs.  All bark, no bite, if you will. I don't judge them though, their day might have been ruff. Then again, they didn't choose the pug life, the pug life chose them.

That was terrier-ble.....I'll stop now.

The people you used to hate because of the people they hung around with actually aren't all that bad.
I was very annoying in secondary school. I can and will admit this fully because I know I was and I am very, very sorry for it. And because I was annoying, people used to not get along with me and I didn't really like them either. Most of the year group I didn't have a problem with, but there were a select few and their "minions" that I purposely targeted with my bubbly attitude and loud morning voice. One of these "minions", I recently found, shares quite a lot of mutual interests with me and we get along quite well... apart from the occasional bantery insults. 

So I guess the lesson here is, don't judge people by who they hang around with, judge people on what fandoms they are in.

Don't work in retail while still in under 18 education.
Just don't.
 If you value your so far free Saturday mornings and your (fairly) stress free studying, don't work in retail.

Don't let your friend put henna on you the day before work.
You will get weird looks if you are pulling down your sleeves at work when you usually roll them up and you will get asked if you have been self harming. Thanks Tyne :)
Plus the guy in the shop will see it and rant about how if you are going to get a tattoo then you should just get a permanent one, not a poser tattoo.

I probably learnt a load of other rubbish this year but these are the things I came up with wile bored earlier.

Summer was not so bad...

So the summer is nearly over... And I've done nothing. 

I'm kidding this time when I say that because I kept a list of all the things I've done between June and August and there is a lot of stuff. This is a list of all the stuff I did with only a bit of context because I would be writing a essay if I gave context to everything. 

Summer 2015:

Went to Cornwall for a fairy festival 

Discovered a new party game called paranoia 

Had my 17th birthday 

Went through (and still going through) my year 7 emo phase again but looking so much better this time!

Discovered I like Muse

Had a free house for a week and did nothing

Beat the high score on the dance mat machine in the arcade 

Went to games workshop for the first time and watched a match before giving up trying to understand anything because I don't have the patience for it

Changed my tumblr URL because I didn't like my old one

Slept in a tipi for a weekend

Went to the New Forest show and climbed up a telephone pole

Went to Hereford Cathedral and Eastnor castle

Went to the gardens for the candle night and fireworks 

Wrote a rhyming story called DreamCatcher which I am finishing off and adding to at the moment

Fell through a bush trying to get back a helicopter from someone's garden and nearly getting impaled by a metal spike while doing so. 

Hung out with my mates doing stupid stuff like singing Queen songs at the top of our lungs and ordering take away and discovering that one of your work supervisors works in the Chinese 

Joined a LGBTQ+ youth club 

Went back to my secondary school to see some of the students and teachers that are still there

Went to Bucklers Hard and Milton on sea with my Grandma 

Went to North Wales 

Visited Rhuddlan and Conwy castle 

Saw the smallest cathedral and smallest house in the UK

Went to Anglsea Island and went to the place with the longest name in the UK (Llanfairpwllgwyngyll) 

Saw the beautiful Swallow falls and the ugliest house in the UK... Which really annoyed me on a personal level 

Went to Snowdonia and saw Mt Snowdon 

I also started and finished watching American Horror Story, VGHS, and finished reading The Shining (at long last). 

I didn't go to the beach. (yay!)

I had one of THE best holidays ever and I know I'm not going to forget it in a hurry. 

P.s.

After my midlife crisis in October i decided I was going to do my best in my AS exams and see what I get. I done goofed! 

Passed Biology and Creative Writing, failed Chemistry and Maths. This year I am doing a Medical science course which is a much better option and it means I get to do one day a week work experience in a medical facility... I want to go to the morgue! 

On the plus side my Chem teacher said I was a good student, always happy, always enthusiastic! I will miss those classes. 

Eris

Right, about two years ago I got bored of all horror movies because they were no longer scary. None of them! I decided to write my own. There are six main characters and this is the back story of one of them. It wouldn't actually be in the movie or story if I chose to ever make it, this is just bonus content if you will. I just thought I would share it with you. 

P.S, The first two paragraphs weren't originally meant to be part of this, it just happened... Bit of Triv there for you.

The cell was damp and cold. How else could they try to break your spirit without breaking some law about torture, or destroying your human rights. They sit you in a dark, damp, cold cell and leave you to rot for the duration of the court decided sentence for some petty crime you committed while young and drunk.

The silence and chill slowly drives you insane and the occasional drip of unidentified greenish, brown, liquid from the water logged ceiling makes you want to just dink, or at least taste, the stuff to see if it is in fact poison, as you expect it to be. If it was poison then at least it would give me something else to think about. So, you think about how you have gone wrong and what you could have done better while seething in anger about how that twat actually got away with it.

Of course there wasn't any CCTV when he was the one attacking the poor girl but all the footage in the world when I defend one of my friends. Of course he wouldn't get convicted because he is quite friendly with the judge and said Judge's son is quite a fan of this big shot ass hole but when I try to stand up for myself in court I am labelled as a "crazy feminist" who needs to calm down and let things happen. It was my fault that she ended up in hospital, according to him, and slipped into a coma.

It was only a short sentence. A couple of weeks in a minimum security facility because this prat said he could understand the mistake and would "let it slide." I did that time. I came out again and was charged with manslaughter. She died the day I came out. So, if I am going to be in prison for at least ten years, why not go the full hog and get a couple more in.

I went after him. Tore him apart. Left his intestines in a long line in his big fancy hallway. Liver and bladder smeared on the stairs in bloody clumps. I threw his kidneys around his office as if I was throwing a couple of tennis balls around. His stomach was ripped apart when I got to it so I just left it in the bath, I mean, why the hell not. I burnt his heart. It went black, charred, life and loveless. It would be sort of symbolic if I was into that sort of shit. Any remaining blood that was in his body I drew pictures on the wall with. In hindsight they were pretty, perhaps I should try to recreate them on paper with a pencil.

Apparently when they found me I was lying on the kitchen floor. I was covered in blood and guts and holding a drill. Oh yea, his lungs were nailed to the door, I can't remember why.
Besides, that bastard deserved it.
They passed off this murder as a psychotic episode because of grief. I wasn't grieving, I don't feel sad when someone dies as it is obviously inevitable. I just wanted to kill him. Not for her, but just to send a message.

So here I am. Sat in this damp, cold cell. It doesn't matter much though, I'm breaking out soon. At least that is what I tell myself. I couldn't break out of this hell hole if I tried. The orderlies come round every half a hour with sedatives and make sure you are jacked up enough not to attack anyone(bliss), Guards at every entrance, even the fire doors! (talk about safe much), and I don't know how many security cameras.... It's like living on a episode of Big Brother but with more drugs.

My name is Eris. It comes from the Greek goddess of chaos. No one can say I don't live up to my name.