2014 Edition

Every so often I scroll through Facebook to delete all of the rubbish I put up there before I got self respect, before 2014 basically, and I find some pretty cool stuff. So here are some of those things I said but with better grammar and spelling. The 2014 edition/The last edition!

2014
-The way Bilbo Baggins looks at dwarfs is the way I look at you.
-I choose my clothes on whether I can brutishly kill and maim my enemies in them.
-Birds are spawned through the Devil's eye dust!
-Renowned pillow biter.
-Just told by mum to go eat the kids.... okay, if you say so.
-A sex pheromone in male mice urine was named "Darcin" after Mr Darcy.
-My heaven is what I would go to hell for.
-Queens do not weep so weakly.
-Nothing is on fire. Fire is on the thing.
-Why do people in Peppa Pig cheer when they have to dig up the road?
-"If I am for the axe, then for mercy's sake, swing it." - Loki, Thor TDW
-(Watching Sherlock)
  Sister: He's going to die, isn't he?
  Me: Killing him is SO two years ago.


This is me getting arrested at Comic Con last year... Lets hope it doesn't happen again this time!

2013 edition

Every so often I scroll through Facebook to delete all of the rubbish I put up there before I got self respect, before 2014 basically, and I find some pretty cool stuff. So here are some of those things I said but with better grammar and spelling. The 2013 edition!

2013
-May I feel? Said he. ( I posted this poem every week or so for a few months. May I feel by E.E. Cummings)
-I have programmed my sister to say Loki-Dokie instead of Okie-Dokie.
-Hang there like fruit, my soul, till the tree dies. (Shakespeare)
-Doctor Who is so far; Nudity, suggestive behaviour, and relationship talk.
-St Nick is the patron saint of prostitutes.
-Morgan is giving beauty and fashion advice to my bedroom door.
-There is a place called 'Bald knob ' in America
-A Mental Mind Fuck Can be Nice - Frank, RHPS
-I can't wait to smoke this turtle!
-"You love your wife, I love your wife, shouldn't we be on the same side?"- Casanova
-I solemnly swear I am up to no good, when I think about you more than I should.
-"I'm going to be straight with you" -Gaydar radio
-I'm so bright I have my own colour spectrum.
-I would be happy to oblige.. After you bend down and kiss my arse that is!

I think I got some decent friends at this point so some of the crap stopped.

Me, October 2013.

2012 Edition

Every so often I scroll through Facebook to delete all of the rubbish I put up there before I got self respect, before 2014 basically, and I find some pretty cool stuff. So here are some of those things I said but with better grammar and spelling. The 2012 edition!

2012;
-I dress like a doll but swear like a sailor.
-Pardon me Sir Gangster, your trousers are descending.
-Will's house is the Teenage Day Care... We should start charging!
-What if Gangnam Style is a rain dance?..... We brought Sandy to America!
-Love waving at random people because they are trying to figure out who you are for the rest of the day.
-Mary, Mary, quite contrary, let all the boys have a go. In nine months time, it's DNA time on the Jeremy Kyle show.
-Don't say goodbye. Goodbye leads to leaving, leaving leads to forgetting.
-"Why am I the only one who doesn't get banged in the corridors?" Maria, year 10
-You make me laugh and cry so much I want to punch and kiss you
-Kate Middleton has taught us that every princess has a well fit sister
-Demons never die
-Why do we get sore throats when we cry? I'm walking home and wondering why.
-Every girl starts a pawn, then they realise they should be the queen.
-I could piss off a happy meal.
-This town is like one big outpatient mental facility .
-Sat in McDonald's and there seems to be a glamorous granny competition. One went overkill on the foundation and the other is listening to rock on her apple macbook!
-Only sad people write about ending up with the dream boy.
-BRING ON THE VAMPS
-One in ten children in the UK are conceived on a IKEA bed.


I think some of them deserve context but I don't want to give any because they are pretty funny as they are.

Me, June 2012

2010/11 Edition

Every so often I scroll through Facebook to delete all of the rubbish I put up there before I got self respect, before 2014 basically, and I find some pretty cool stuff. So here are some of those things I said but with better grammar and spelling. The 2010 and 2011 edition!

WARNING:

2010 and 2011 were the years now known as the "random phase". It is called this because we used to post things such as "Quack, I'm a turtle" on Facebook and it is very embarrassing when you go back through it. These years are together because I have deleted the majority of statuses that I put up because there was no good content then.

PS. I was too young to be on Facebook at this point, I was only meant to have it to keep in touch with some old mates when I moved away but I was a bit of a idiot.

2010
-I have a gun, a shovel, and a map of the desert. Keep talking.
-Don't let the world change your smile, let your smile change the world.


2011
-Curry's don't sell curries, Boots don't sell boots, Dominoes don't sell dominoes, and Superdrug is just a waste of time!
-I'm counting bodies like sheep.
-I got trapped in the Bournemouth Library lift
-When the Citizenship teacher says "Get out," you know you have won the argument.
-No, Katy Perry. I can honestly say I have never felt like a plastic bag.
-The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.

I don't miss being twelve!

Look at that innocent face! You wouldn't think she was posting really rubbish stuff online, would you?

Me, April 2010

Public, Private?

Hello Internet.

I have something to say.

I have seen people posting about their lives on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, and Snap chat for quite a few years now and I have no problem with that at all! In fact, I encourage people to post about what they are doing, where they are going, who they are banging.... maybe not that one (I love that sort of gossip though), but I don't like it when they are posting about other people and what is wrong in their life.

I have done this in the past but thankfully my Facebook is private and people who don't have me as a friend can't see what I post and I have deleted most of the statuses I posted between 2009 and 2014.

The pages and accounts you have on social media are, of course, your spaces but they are also very public and lots of people can see them. If my name is searched on Google my Twitter and YouTube come up which is why I control a lot, and I mean a lot, of the content I have on there. And whenever I bring up the whole "The Internet is very open" and "What you post could be a bit upsetting/offencive" things I get "But it's MY space, I can post what I want" back at me.

So, to celebrate the fact that my Facebook is no longer littered with unnecessary content,I have put together a collage of some of my old statuses through the years that I have spent trolling the Internet. No nasty ones, though! I have erased them from innocent eyes. You will get these in separate posts sorted by year(s).

Hope you enjoy them.